For as long as I can remember, I have been a creatively insecure person. To make matters worse, alongside creative insecurity, I had a fear of failure that was so strong and constraining. These flaws – if I may call them that – caused for inaction and delayed progress in a lot of areas. Repeatedly, I would have lovely ideas, but fear and insecurities would always make me find reason(s) not to pursue them. The few times I managed to power through, it took a lot of energy and effort, leaving me drained. As such, it made it hard to look forward to engaging the process of executing my ideas at another time.
However, like I mentioned in this post, not too long ago, I decided to face my fears and insecurities. I had become tired of how they stifled me. One of the first resultant manifestations of that decision was me setting up and going live with my blog. Another action I took as regards facing my fear and insecurities was to set up my own YouTube channel. I had always wanted one, but I kept finding reasons and making excuses for not acting on that desire. So, when I eventually created my channel, as little as it seemed, it was actually a breakthrough for me. However, even after setting up the channel, I somehow ended up failing to pursue my primal intent for owning one.
Thing is, I had always hated the sound of my recorded voice – I’m yet to get over it up till now, but, thankfully, we’re making progress. Also, the thought of appearing in front of a camera has been one that had a crippling effect on me. And, as it is, those are two tools owning and growing a YouTube channel requires. Consequently, after setting up my YouTube channel, it felt as if all I did was put myself in a fix. So, after I setup up my channel, to avoid those fears, I cut corners. What I did was to resort to making videos that didn’t require me showing my face or recording my voice. This sort of videos – listicle videos – relied heavily on stock footages, images, and text.
That continued for a while, but at a point, I discovered I wasn’t getting the optimal fulfillment I had hoped for. And the reason wasn’t farfetched, I, obviously, wasn’t being completely honest with myself. It wasn’t long before the guilt of self-deception set in. In response to this feeling of guilt, I started making narrated videos. I justified myself by telling myself that, at least, I put my ‘horrible voice’ out there. But then again, in no time, the guilt caught up with me. I, still, wasn’t being completely honest with myself. I was still circumventing the fear of being in front of the camera, and I needed to be honest with myself. And that brought me to this point.
So, this time around, I have decided to do right by myself, to pursue, wholeheartedly, my primary intentions for creating my YouTube channel. No more cutting corners, no more self-deception. From here on, it’s full-on honesty or nothing. In the light of this resolve, I’ll like to inform you I’ll be releasing my first vlog come next week. It’s been a long journey to this point, and I’d be banking on your continued support for this new phase.
But before the full video, here is a teaser.
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate you for sharing your time with me. Remember, always…
Live, Love, and Laugh.