Being tall is not really all what it is pimped out to be. Take that from a 6ft 4in tall dude. The height, sure, does come with its own perks. But, just like being an entrepreneur, there are unpleasant sides to this height thing you’d hardly hear about. Yes, there indeed are. I know some people reading this are right now like, “that’s easy for you to say, you’re the 6ft plus dude!” But, I’m being sincere. The grass is not always greener on the other side.
I sometimes miss those years when I was just a kid of average height and my height did not seem to matter much. Before Grandpa Genes, boarding house and God’s perfect timing came together and average height became a thing of the past. My height started being a hot-button issue as far back as 2005. And, till date, it still continues to ignite conversations.
Being tall, while understandably enviable, is not necessarily always amazing – at least for me, it isn’t. It comes with its own share of frustrations. In this post, I’ll highlight a few of those things that make being a tall dude an unpleasant experience.
The Inevitability Of The Annoying ‘Tallest’ Alias And All Of Its Possible Variations.
The ease with which people settle for derivative ‘tallest” alias can be very annoying. Some people won’t even bother to find out if your parents actually gave you a name of your own. I have lost count of people who never knew my real name before our time together came to an end. They were just so quick to settle for the lazy alternatives like tallie, longy, Mr. long and a host of others. I have come to accept that there is no escaping this. My only plea is that people at least get creative with. It as it has become boring hearing the same name recycled over time. Switch things up, people!
Constantly Being Met With The “What Can I Do To Be Tall Like You?” Question.
People! You really need to stop this one. Being tall is not like having toned body muscles. It’s a different game entirely. It’s not something you hit the gym or get on a particular diet for. If it were so, I probably would be nowhere near 4ft tall. Height is not a product of hard work and determination. Neither is it something that is compelled by how much you desire it. So, please, stop asking me “What it is you can do to be tall.” Some of us are just naturally blessed with the height, and, others like you, apparently…
Having To Always Be Self-Conscious When Approaching Entrances.
Because getting carried away comes with serious repercussions. Trust me, the pain of hitting your head against a doorframe is traumatizing. Even when I’m walking through high entrances, I still, subconsciously, bend a little. That’s one safety drill I hardly forget to put to practice, because, once beaten, twice shy. To think that some of you have never, in your lifetime, hit your head against the upright of a doorframe. I mean NEVER! Wow, I really envy people like you.
Almost Everyone Expecting Me To Be Either A Model Or A Basketball Player.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m neither of those. I have had to answer this question on so many occasions. And, every time, I clock a look of disappointment on faces whenever my response is not in the affirmative. The funny part is how people try to act cool, but, their faces always give them off. I still don’t understand why people are affected emotionally by what I do or do not do, with my height.
People Wrongly Assuming That Beans Would Definitely Be My Favorite Food.
The conviction with which some people say this makes me, sometimes, want to punch them in the gut. Like, in itself, the assumption that beans is a tall person’s favorite food is an absolutely ridiculous assumption. That conviction with which most people say it, however, makes it come off as even more ridiculous.
The Laborious Task Of Finding My Shoe Size.
Seriously, it’s like shoemakers and shoe retailers have a thing against tall people. They only make fine shoes in smaller sizes. You might need to go shoe shopping with me to understand this better. It’s like there is a conspiracy against people of my kind. I can hardly remember any time in recent years when finding a shoe that fits has been an easy task. Nowadays, whenever I need new footwear, I become near depressed. Shopping for shoes used to be fun, now, it has become more like a Sisyphean task. Most times, I have to settle for what I can find and not what I really want. Whereas, some of you still have the luxury of buying shoes you can grow into…. Eish! This life is really unfair.
Being Easily Discoverable In Social Gatherings.
Because my head is always on a higher plane, making it easy to spot even in a sea of heads. A friend once told me how the first thing he looks around for when he arrives in church is my head. Sadly, my long head and bushy hair don’t do well to make me any less conspicuous.
Not Having Room For All That Extra Leg When I’m In Bed.
I have a friend that constantly mocks me for favoring the fetal sleeping position. Little does this friend know that this is due to the discomfort that I have come to know over time of having my leg sticking out from the rear of the bed. Those of you who can comfortably lie straight in bed with sufficient head and leg room don’t know the value of what you have. I will give anything to experience that once again.
Knowing I’m Eternally Condemned To The Back Row For Group Pictures.
Condemned, simply because of the resulting catastrophic cosmic effects that follow a tall dude standing front row in a group picture. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but this one can be very painful. Most especially on days when a brother’s swag is on a hundred, nah mean? Having to settle for the back row, where the glory of your swag becomes completely drowned out … That has to be the most painful thing after childbirth.
Battling The Feeling Of Being Used By People.
I’ve noticed, whenever I’m around, there is always one light bulb that has to be changed. A traveling box that has to be brought down from the top of the cupboard. It’s either that or, there is a picture frame that has to be hung higher. The recurring nature of these height specific requests can be frustrating. People really need to start pretending like I’m not around a lot more. Sometimes it feels like people intentionally do these things just to make me hate myself for being tall.
All these challenges peculiar to being tall – and these are only but a few from an extensive list. But, all you will hear is how ladies are attracted to tall dudes. Please, spare me that jagbajantis talk. How does that attraction help protect my head from hitting the upright of the door frame? Or, how does it help extend my bed so I don’t have to sleep in a fetal position anymore? Does, the attraction help streamline the process of finding a shoe that fits when I go to the market? So, what are we now talking about? I don begin vex sef…